I started dating my partner when we met, which happened to be 10 days out from his first deployment to Afghanistan, so it seemed like a given that I knew what I signed up for, right? Except I knew nothing about the world of Defence, army or service families. Fast forward three years and I still didn’t know much more about this world. You see, not only was he deployed the first eight months, but we were between two locations. I lived in Sydney where I attended university. He was posted to Adelaide. When I wasn’t talking to my partner, I was head down in textbooks, lectures, assignments, and exams. Naively, I didn’t once stop to think of the community I had joined or to seek out a military partner community I belonged to. I didn’t even register that there was a community I was part of, much less that they existed in online groups I could connect with them in. It didn’t occur to me then, that we needed to be, but weren’t (and in any case couldn’t have been) recognised with Defence. We just planned on getting to my graduation in 2016, after which I’d join my partner in location. Until then, we got by on phone calls, texts, and the odd reunion with one another. Between deployment, tempo and uni semesters, we had about 30 days together over these three years. Then, in the space of 5 hours, I was a Defence partner in location, and it things got real and fast!
Jai was injured the day before he was due to visit me in Sydney. By the time he’d had the injury diagnosed and plan for surgery confirmed, I’d already rung the airline, switched his ticket into my name, reversed the direction of the flight, and was about to head to the airport, landing in his location at 6pm, at which time his friend was going to pick me up at the airport.
In the lead up to surgery there was a lot to do.
Knowing there would be a rehabilitation period and this wasn’t going to be any other visit, I’d effectively moved interstate within 2 hours and nothing but a suitcase. Not only that, but at this time, Jai lived on base. Thankfully he kept a room at a friend’s house that he stayed at on weekends and we were able to stay there post-surgery and while we navigated moving up the timeline of my joining him in location by a year.
At this time Jai didn’t drive. He’d signed up and went full time in the reserves at 17, before he’d even obtained a licence. Over the years, between posting interstate, deployment and living on base, it never eventuated that he obtained one. Since I’d left my car in Sydney, the day after I landed in Adelaide, we picked up a hire car. The hire car was necessary but crazy expensive as was the excess if there was an accident since I was still a green P plater, so ideally, we wanted to get into our own car, with a lower insurance excess if an accident happened – and soon. We also weren’t fans of the compact Toyota Yaris and knew we’d need room for a wheelchair as well as some space around the passenger seat for Jai to swing his soon-to-be casted and later moon booted leg in and out of the car. A few days of looking at and testing cars, and we decided on the one to order. Thankfully, there was one of the cars we wanted in Port Melbourne, which managed to be trucked up and available for us to pick up the day before surgery.
Among those days, we’d also needed to attend a medical appointment on base. As we were leaving the health centre, Jai said he needed to pop into work to file a leave request. As we are walking out of the battalions’ compound, we heard someone bellowing for him behind us. They said, “hey mate, you’re being promoted but we need to push this through before you file the paperwork for downgrade”, to which Jai responded, “too late”. He’d just done that. That’s when I learned that medically downgraded personnel weren’t promotable. It was a kick in the guts for Jai. This was the second time this had happened to him, and he held concerns for his career as this was the third injury of this kind he’d sustained and he was fearful he wouldn’t be ma not come back from injury this time, or worse still, the military would get rid of him, without seeing him through the rehabilitation, medical evaluation and upgrade processes.
Before surgery day, we’d twice been asked to be at the house we would be staying at to meet a rehabilitation coordinator. They failed to show on both occasions. To my partner, that was normal. I don’t know why, but I didn’t think anything of this. Naively, I didn’t even realise that there should have been other processes and supports at play, let alone more of a conversation with myself, as a new partner in location, who was also taking on the hat of a carer. I think with trying to keep Jai positive, everything we had to do, and my Type A personality, I was just getting on with what we needed to do. While Jai was operated on, I sat in the passenger seat of our car, on level 2 of the hospital car park, arranging the wheelchair and shower chair needed in order for Jai to leave the hospital.
I deferred my upcoming exams until I could return to sit them in the summer semester. The real challenge laid in the year ahead. I was a year from my completed law and arts degree. At the time, the university I attended didn’t offer online classes, was unable to record any for me, and the units I had left on my final year weren’t available to me cross-institutionally. Transferring out wasn’t an option because I’d lose too many course credits and didn’t have the space remaining in my HECS to retake units, nor the need let alone desire to. So, I would just need to keep an eye on cross-institutional study options in the future and see what I could work out.
After the surgery, we still needed to hand back the on base room, arrange where we were going to live, and without a single appliance and next to no furniture owned by us, let alone the bath towels chosen, furnish a home. Well, once we could even get to open inspections, fill in rental applications and secure somewhere for us to move into and live, together.
The acronym DHA – Defence Housing Australia – and phrase of “service residence” might be ringing in your head right about now. I certainly wish I knew more about them, Defence Member and Family Services (then DCO (Defence Community Organisation)) social workers and advocacy we could have employed with DFA (Defence Families of Australia). But I didn’t and in any case back then, I’m not sure it would have made a difference as the service residence policy, as it was then, didn’t allow us to be eligible for a service residence, let alone did the Defence removal policy afford us a Commonwealth funded removal from my location of Sydney to Adelaide.
We got lucky and an agent was more than happy to let a place to us, and after only a few conversations over the phone, which saved us needing to explain about Jai’s injury and that causing any concern about our affordability, which was a relief because we only had a private’s wage coming in. We didn’t add into this lease the Defence removal clause due to not having knowledge of this clause, the need or ability to do this. We know now, what we didn’t know then, but if policies were so that we would have had eligibility, reason to talk to Defence Families of Australia and Defence Members and Family Services, or guidance to make a point of seeing if they could have helped us then, we might have known about the Defence clause in 2015 rather than we first heard about in 2017 when our lease renewal was due.
The point of sharing our story and my journey of becoming a Defence partner, and then a Defence partner in location, is to highlight the need for earlier connection and information sharing with our families than the current systems and processes provide. Otherwise, the narrative of “quite the initiation” is perpetuated. This also provides you some insight into where my awareness of the need for change and my passion in advocating for our families comes from.
Over the years since this was our situation, I became aware our experience was not the exception. Others continued to have the issues we’d had with recognition of their defacto relationship and recategorization from Member Without Dependent (MWOD) to Member With Dependent (MWD) or Member With Dependent Unaccompanied (MWD(U), the eligibility for Commonwealth funded removals of Defence partners and couples so they could be joined in each location, and their eligibility for a service residence (SR) if they’d never lived together before. As I stepped into an advocacy role, I’ve ended up losing count of the times I’ve raised these issues and referred other couples experiencing the same onto DFA and DMFS in hopes that with enough traction, these policies are finally addressed and updated.
FINALLY, I can share an advocacy win for our families with these issues being somewhat addressed through the modernisation of the Defence categorisation framework and Defence Pay and Conditions Manual (PACMAN) policies.
On face value, it appears the recognition and removal of a partner to the service members location during rehabilitation or as a result of an acquired injury now exists per the recategorization framework and PACMAN section 6.5.4(c), leaving only the question of whether they would be eligible to recategorize from non-resident family (NRF) to member with accompanied family (ARF) and be eligible for a service residence (SR). I am seeking clarification that eligibility for a service residence would extend to help a family finding themselves in a similar situation to ours.
A number of families I have advocated for over the years had the issue that neither the intention of marriage, nor in some cases, the marriage itself, gave rise to an ability for the member to receive a Commonwealth removal for their partner to their posted location on recategorization from member without family member to member with family. I am pleased to see that now a Member can recategorize as a member with accompanied resident family (ARF) and be eligible for a Service Residence (SR) if they plan to marry within a month or have the birth of a child within 3 months, and requesting clarification that PACMAN 6.5.4(b), which provides that a member can be approved for a removal for themselves, their resident family or recognised other persons if a change in family circumstances requires urgent action, would give rise to a removal of the spouse to their member, or if required, a personal (family) support location.
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